Showing posts from March, 2013


Earlier this month I noticed a letter in the newspaper of the New Zealand Baptist churches.  In it, a man explained that he had been a Christian for 50 years when he experienced significant complications after a routine operation.  He prayed for healing and other members of his church also prayed for him.  He wasn't healed (although his problem was later resolved by further surgery) and that led him to conclude that God was indifferent to his suffering.  He still believes in God but no longer worships or follows Him.

I felt that, due to my own medical history, I had an unusual authority to reply to this letter.  It's taken a me a few weeks to do so and I've missed the deadline for getting it into April's edition. Hopefully it'll appear there in May.  Here is what I have written:
I was deeply saddened by D. S.'s letter in the March issue of The Baptist.

Like Mr. S., I am afflicted by a medical condition that significantly restricts my life.  For the last ten years…

Neighbours Day

On the weekend, our street celebrated Neighbours Day.  It was the third time we've done it, and definitely the best.  A few more people came and most people stayed a lot longer than in previous years.  I think the bouncy castle and face painting had a big impact on that: drawing the kids out of their houses, bringing their mums and dads with them :-)  I had a good catchup with someone I hadn't spoken to since last year as well as some general chitchat.  It's nice to gradually recognise more of the people I see on the street :-)


Last week we spent a day staying with friends in the next street - escaping the sounds of chainsaws next door.  In the afternoon, a flash of movement caught my eye.  My subconscious promptly identified the bird that settled on the neighbouring roof as a kingfisher; my conscious mind was doubtful.  Surely kingfishers don't have such stunning irridescent plumage?!  Then it turned and showed me its distinctive beak.  No doubt about it: the bird was definitely a kingfisher!

It was a wonder to behold.  I know I only felt that way because my life is so restricted and because it's years since I saw my last kingfisher.  But that doesn't make it any less of a wonder :-)

image source

Ten years on

Last Monday was the 10th anniversary of my developing CFS.

It was a curious day.  Leading up to it I was very aware of it looming ahead of me, and yet whenever I tried to think about what the day meant to me I couldn't: my mind shied away from the topic.

I sincerely believe that I have a remarkably good quality of life, despite my illness.  In may ways, I'm pleased to be ten years down the track.  Those early days were so scary and baffling; these days I'm mostly dealing with the familiar.

And yet I do so wish life was different.

I grieve for the lost possibilities - especially for the children I most likely will never have.  I'm sick of hurting all the time, of rarely having the mental energy to have a decent conversation, of having to push through mud every move I make, of failing to understand so much of what I hear.  I'm sick of having to be so disciplined.  I'm sick of feeling exhausted all the time. I miss human company and generally being out and about i…