Christmas

The Sunday before Christmas, Sarah arranged for a couple of friends to come over for carol singing.  It was such a happy time - one of the nicest things we've done in ages :-)

Martin brought through our advent wreath for the occasion

Birthday flowers still blooming

I'm very much enjoying a few flowering plants at the moment, all given to me for my birthday:

This African Violet from my mum lives on the windowsill in our toilet.  It arrived covered in flowers and is just starting a second crop :-)

The moth orchid from Martin's mum is on our bedroom windowsill and keeps producing new flowers.

And this moth orchid from friends from church (given to me for my birthday two years ago) is getting ready for its first flowering of the year - somewhat delayed after I accidentally broke off its growing stem some months back.

Another adventure

Yesterday we caught the bus to go visit my good friend Anna in Sandringham.  We walked to our nearest bus stop, caught the bus just a few stops to a busy intersection, waited there about 15 minutes, caught another bus, got off at a busy road and walked a few minutes to Anna's house.

I found the walking fine, but the noise at the busy intersection was challenging.  I was very glad for my headphones while we waited there.

Saying goodbye

I feel like I've got a whole new life now.  I still get tired (and am still actually resting a great deal of the time), but it's a different quality of tired: and when I'm tired I can still move and think astonishingly easily.  Only once in the last three weeks has Martin carried me anywhere, and that was more because I was overwrought and overwhelmed and wanted something familiar than because of physical need.  A few other times I've felt really done-in and have considered asking him, but each of those times I tried it myself first, and each time it was vastly easier than expected.

But that's the thing.  All my expectations are wrong.  All my habits are needing to change.  I keep going to put something down on the walker and it's not there; I keep assuming I can't do things and then finding that I can.  It's good, but it's also awfully disconcerting.

On Friday a week ago, people came to collect my shower stool and walker.  They've just been sitting on the spare bed upstairs for a few weeks: I clearly don't need them so it's best they go to someone who does.  And yet, as they were taken away, I found myself crying - really hard-out crying.

shower stool and walker awaiting collection

I am a giant!

Today I saw my GP for the first time since getting better.  I was a bit nervous about going: would the receptionist recognise me, how would I explain to my GP what had happened etc.  What I didn't anticipate was the surreal feeling of being a giant.

Every other time I've been there I've been in a wheelchair.  This time I was walking, so was considerably taller.  I felt absolutely huge.  I even found myself walking gingerly, subconsciously expecting to accidentally trample small people or something!  It was so odd being at such a different height in relation to so many familiar things...

(And, in terms of the actual visit, the GP was very relaxed about my situation.  She wants me to take things slow, not push myself too much and allow myself time/space to enjoy my new abilities :-)  She doesn't think I acutely need physio intervention in terms of my gait, but she will make contact with the DHB physios and see what happens.  She's comfortable with the medications/supplements I've taken myself off and is OK with me gradually coming off more over time.)

15 years!!!

Today Martin and I celebrated 15 years of marriage with a trip to West Lynn Gardens.

A helpful realisation

A few days ago I realised something important.

I've been feeling a lot of pressure to just slot back into the healthy world - and I've been frustrated that people don't realise how intimidating it all is and how it's not that easy.

Then I realised that, whilst there may be people who think that way, the main person who's imposing that expectation on me is me!

Several times recently I've had to let people down as I'm struggling to work out what my energy levels will be like.  I've been really embarrassed to do that.  But everyone I've done that to has been fine with it.  And quite possibly literally dozens of people have told me not to rush things and to allow myself time to adjust.

Actually, it seems like more or less everyone else 'gets' that this is a big transition and will be difficult and take time: I'm the only one who seems to think that's a problem ;-)  And as for thinking I'm 'letting God down' by not just slotting in (and so not being 'instantly healed') is just silly...