It's ages since last I wrote a blog post - in the meantime we've finished our Sabbatical and also moved house!
Since the Sabbatical ended I've been continuing to think a lot about how to live a more sustainable life (in terms of my own energy/capacity/creativity), and how my Just Kai work fits into that.
One realisation has been that I can just do what works. I still need to choose what I do on a given day, but I don't have to keep going until things are done, at the cost of exhausting myself. God has given me quite a limited energy capacity - if He needs me to do more, He can do something about that! I don't have to kill myself with overwork.
So yesterday we were at the Grey Lynn Park Festival with Just Kai. Last year when were there, we came with recommendations for both a slave-free Christmas meal and for slave-free chocolate gifts. This year we just had the meal recommendations. Partly as there isn't that much Christmas chocolate in the shops yet, but significantly because someone who had been going to help with writing that guide was suddenly unavailable. Initially I assumed that meant I would pick it up, but in the end I decided I wasn't up to that and just left it. And that was OK :-)
I also tend to plan my life quite carefully, so I can be really deliberate about my priorities and what I fit in. But recently I've been thinking I need to back off on that and be more open to listening to God's leading in the moment. In particular, a few weeks' back a particular friend just kept coming to my mind. I was thinking how much I wanted to see her, but there just wasn't space around what was already planned. Then I got in touch with her husband about something else a bit later and learned that she'd had a huge week that week I'd been thinking about her, and that it would probably have been really good if I'd been in touch. So later on when someone else particularly came to mind I decided to let some other things slide so I could spend some time with them.
There are a bunch of people I've been wanting to have over recently, too, who I've contacted repeatedly but they never seem to be available. Then I was chatting to someone at church about them coming over and they mentioned it'd been two years since we first asked them (!). But then she said "when God wants it to, it will happen". And that really struck me. I think I waste a lot of energy trying to 'make' things happen, and I'm trying to back off from that a bit and trying to fit in more with what God's doing instead.
And lastly, I've been struck by the thought recently that God doesn't need me to do Just Kai. Some years' back was horrified to learn that one of the young adults at church thought I was ending Modern Slavery all by myself. That was way too much for one person! But I've realised I've slipped into a related thought myself. I feel the weight of the men trapped on fishing boats, and most especially the weight of the kids on cocoa farms who work instead of going to school. I feel like I must get the word out about their situations, and I must do the research needed to direct people to options that will reduce the vulnerability of those people. It feels heavy and necessary and important
But then two weeks ago Martin was preaching, and I was really struck by one thing he said. He was talking about how God wants to relate to us, and God wants us to do particular things, but those things aren't things He needs from us. The things we offer God are like clumsy little-kid drawings that God our Father delights in sticking on His fridge because He delights in us.
So I've been thinking a bit about how God has called me to Just Kai, but how that doesn't mean He needs me to do Just Kai. It won't be a terrible disaster if I stuff up what I do, or can't do much of it, or whatever.
And so today we had some people back to lunch after church, even though I was really tired after the Grey Lynn Park Festival yesterday, and that may well mean I don't have the energy to do some follow up from that that I want to do. And after they left I had a rest, then did some kitchen things I wanted to do, then sat down to write this. And now I need a rest, so I guess the follow-up will have to wait until Tuesday now (as tomorrow's my Sabbath), and I guess that will be OK!
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