Musings on energy, work and listening to God

It's ages since last I wrote a blog post - in the meantime we've finished our Sabbatical and also moved house!

Since the Sabbatical ended I've been continuing to think a lot about how to live a more sustainable life (in terms of my own energy/capacity/creativity), and how my Just Kai work fits into that.

One realisation has been that I can just do what works.  I still need to choose what I do on a given day, but I don't have to keep going until things are done, at the cost of exhausting myself.  God has given me quite a limited energy capacity - if He needs me to do more, He can do something about that!  I don't have to kill myself with overwork.

So yesterday we were at the Grey Lynn Park Festival with Just Kai.  Last year when were there, we came with recommendations for both a slave-free Christmas meal and for slave-free chocolate gifts.  This year we just had the meal recommendations.  Partly as there isn't that much Christmas chocolate in the shops yet, but significantly because someone who had been going to help with writing that guide was suddenly unavailable.  Initially I assumed that meant I would pick it up, but in the end I decided I wasn't up to that and just left it.  And that was OK :-)

I also tend to plan my life quite carefully, so I can be really deliberate about my priorities and what I fit in.  But recently I've been thinking I need to back off on that and be more open to listening to God's leading in the moment.  In particular, a few weeks' back a particular friend just kept coming to my mind. I was thinking how much I wanted to see her, but there just wasn't space around what was already planned.  Then I got in touch with her husband about something else a bit later and learned that she'd had a huge week that week I'd been thinking about her, and that it would probably have been really good if I'd been in touch.  So later on when someone else particularly came to mind I decided to let some other things slide so I could spend some time with them.

There are a bunch of people I've been wanting to have over recently, too, who I've contacted repeatedly but they never seem to be available.  Then I was chatting to someone at church about them coming over and they mentioned it'd been two years since we first asked them (!).  But then she said "when God wants it to, it will happen".  And that really struck me.  I think I waste a lot of energy trying to 'make' things happen, and I'm trying to back off from that a bit and trying to fit in more with what God's doing instead.

And lastly, I've been struck by the thought recently that God doesn't need me to do Just Kai.  Some years' back  was horrified to learn that one of the young adults at church thought I was ending Modern Slavery all by myself.  That was way too much for one person!  But I've realised I've slipped into a related thought myself.  I feel the weight of the men trapped on fishing boats, and most especially the weight of the kids on cocoa farms who work instead of going to school.  I feel like I must get the word out about their situations, and I must do the research needed to direct people to options that will reduce the vulnerability of those people.  It feels heavy and necessary and important

But then two weeks ago Martin was preaching, and I was really struck by one thing he said.  He was talking about how God wants to relate to us, and God wants us to do particular things, but those things aren't things He needs from us.  The things we offer God are like clumsy little-kid drawings that God our Father delights in sticking on His fridge because He delights in us.

So I've been thinking a bit about how God has called me to Just Kai, but how that doesn't mean He needs me to do Just Kai.  It won't be a terrible disaster if I stuff up what I do, or can't do much of it, or whatever.

And so today we had some people back to lunch after church, even though I was really tired after the Grey Lynn Park Festival yesterday, and that may well mean I don't have the energy to do some follow up from that that I want to do.  And after they left I had a rest, then did some kitchen things I wanted to do, then sat down to write this.  And now I need a rest, so I guess the follow-up will have to wait until Tuesday now (as tomorrow's my Sabbath), and I guess that will be OK!

Camping at Waitawa

During our Sabbatical, Martin and I are hoping to go camping every four weeks' or so.  Around 6 weeks ago we were at Ambury Park, and a few weeks after that it was our church camp.  Last week we were off again, this time to a new-to-us regional park called Waitawa.  All the extra exercise I've been doing during the Sabbatical has really improved my fitness, and it felt realistic to try for a campsite 35km away from the nearest train station :-)

 

Sabbatical thoughts 2/3 of the way through

This whole Sabbatical has been more difficult than I expected.  One key thing it's shown me is how small my capacity is.  After removing literally everything from my life that felt like work and that seemed in any sense optional, I freed up really very little time at all.  Because, after essentials like eating and showering and dressing are done, 7 hours per day (my current capacity) doesn't stretch to a lot else.

What does it mean to seek the Kingdom of God?

We're working through Luke's account of the life of Jesus at the moment, and yesterday we read Luke 12:22-31.

It comes in the middle of a bunch of teaching: before it there's a warning against hypocrisy, a bit where Jesus is telling his followers they need to step up and acknowledge that they follow Jesus (even when that's dangerous) and a bit where he tells them not to store up supplies for the future as they don't know how much future they have anyway.  After it there are several bits about being ready for when Jesus returns.  And in the middle is this section, where Jesus seems to be saying "don't worry [even?] about the basic stuff you need to survive: seek my Kingdom and I'll take care of what you need."

Then today I read through Acts 24-26.  Paul, the first missionary, has been arrested for causing a disturbance.  He's examined by various Roman authorities and is pretty co-operative with all of that, but in 26:28-29 we see this:

 Agrippa [the king] said to Paul, “Are you so quickly persuading me to become a Christian?” Paul replied, “Whether quickly or not, I pray to God that not only you but also all who are listening to me today might become such as I am—except for these chains.” 

After two years in prison, under threat of execution, Paul's key number one concern is unchanged.  He wants everyone he comes in contact with to become a Christian.

image source

Is that what "seeking first the Kingdom" means?  Having a razor-sharp focus on evangelism?

We live in a beautiful city :-)

During the remainder of our Sabbatical Martin and I are hoping to go camping for a week each month, so last Sunday after church we headed off to Ambury Park.  My fitness has definitely improved: the first time we went there it took me 1h13; this time was 58 min cycling time, although a little more than that as we stopped near the park to buy mandarins from a family fundraising for their son's rugby boots.  Quite a treat to have extra fruit when camping - heavy things are always at a premium!

There was hardly anyone in the campsite so we put our tent a bit closer to the amenities area than usual - and right next to a stunning wee glade that stayed remarkably dry when it rained.

On the whole we had fantastic weather, but it was a bit wet on Sunday when we were getting there (and on Friday on the way home, too).  We were using our old tent, which isn't wonderfully waterproof, hence the tarp over the top for extra protection.  The photo above is from Monday morning, and you can see all our wet stuff drying on a long line at the right!

A month of traveling - and lots of sewing!

We've been away for most of April, one way and another.  We had two weeks' with Martin's parents in Whangārei, followed by 10 days at home then a week in Taupō and Napier.

Here are a few highlights from Whangārei...

Kamo fizzy spring

Care-casting and the Easter story

Quite some time back I wrote about 'care-casting': explicitly giving God things I'm worried about, using a process I heard described by Gordon Smith, himself inspired by 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you."

That text is part of a bigger passage in the letter the apostle Peter wrote to Christians who were being persecuted in modern-day Turkey.  I've had this whole section up on my browser for the past week or so:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves; keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith, for you know that your brothers and sisters in all the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering. And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 5:6-11, NRSVUE

I'm currently dealing with two things I'm finding really hard.  Both of them are things that I feel God has led us into; one is something I thought would be easy but has been quite hard (which I've been really frustrated by), the other is proving as hugely difficult as expected and is something I'd love to give up on.  It's all been making me pretty anxious and making it hard to sleep.

So, nearly two weeks ago when I was taking a reflective Sabbath day, I realised I needed to be a bit more deliberate about 'care-casting'.  I wrote out these two main things that I was anxious about, detailing what I was worried about and what I was finding hard, as well as two smaller things that were also bothering me that day.

The chap who'd talked about doing this drew his idea from two texts: the one from 1 Peter above, and Philippians 4:4-7.  The 1 Peter one particularly resonated with me - in particular how it linked not being anxious to disciplining yourself, and how it said that discipline was needed because the devil is trying to devour you.  I realised I'd been giving in to anxiety and was allowing that to devour me and steal my peace and my joy.  I needed to ask God for the strength to not do that, and to be disciplined in that area.  I've come back to that prayer a lot over the past two weeks and have been so much more at peace as a result.

I was also struck by the bit where it says: "Resist him... for you know that your brothers and sisters in all the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering."

I realised I was suffering because I was doing things I thought God wanted me to do.  And that is something that happens to lots of Christians - indeed, it's something we should expect will happen to all of us, at least some of the time.  And that's led me to pray for other Christians in similar situations.  That's proved a surprisingly helpful way to deal with my anxieties - turning them into prayers for others.

So I've kept that text up on my computer the past wee while and I keep seeing more in it.  Yesterday I noticed how it starts with 'humble yourself', and that was helpful in thinking about what I expect in life and what I feel I deserve - and how much pain can come from those expectations/thoughts.

Also, yesterday and today it's been so helpful reflecting on the Easter story.  In particular, how Jesus went through terrible things at the hands of the people he loved - because that was what God the Father had called him to do, and because that was what loving people looked like for him at that time.  And so, as I walk the path I think God the Father has called me to, I can look at how Jesus went through such vastly bigger difficulties on his path and how that was so worthwhile, and that also helps me to stick to the programme :-)